Royal Grammar School, Guildford

The Highwayman Parody


The highwayman came climbing

-climbing -climbing

Up to the industrial door

at house number forty four.


The alcohol he was drinking

-drinking -drinking

smelt outrageously weird.

By most it was feared.


But he was believing

-believing -believing

that it tasted lovely

though the after taste was yucky.


While drinking he was knocking

-knocking -knocking

because he was scared of doorbells.

Fake was the noise of those bells.


Which the highwayman was thinking

-thinking -thinking

had a weird sound texture

secondary to his liqueur.


Which the highwayman was drinking

-drinking -drinking

which, for reference, smelt

like mouldy felt.


Cress, the door, was opening

-opening -opening.

Cress You, the pharmacist's daughter

Cress You, Bless you's daughter.


Cress, who the highwayman was loving

-loving -loving

had a dress made of a material

with a pattern of cereal.


The highwayman was sneezing

-sneezing -sneezing.

"That's definitely a cold." diagnosed Cress,

"Your health is in a mess."


The highwayman was dying

-dying -dying

as it wasn't a cold,

his brain was turning into mould.


Cress was now crying

-crying -crying.

As her love was dying

-dying -dying.


The light in his eyes was fading

-fading -fading

-fading - fa...


By William Ball


The School


Books, battered, dusty treasures, falling, gliding, drifting

Freezing draught lingers in solitary shadows

Moonlight dances across, entrancing, magical, mysterious


Footsteps echo dangerously, unnerving, spine-chilling, daunting

Lifeless darkness crawls, enveloping, lethal, pernicious

Perplexing breaths wheeze, shocking, horrendous, blood-curdling


Wind howls viciously, draconian, tough, deplorable

Grass sways unnaturally, glistening silver in the moonlight

Leaves flutter peacefully, flying birds of green


Swings glint in silver moonlight, enchanting, marvellous, alluring

Knowledge loiters in the air, brimming with power

The school's silhouette hangs, a dark ghost of wisdom


By Ollie Jansen